Running tittle: to shit or not to shit, that is the question
INTRODUCTION
Since human being appeared on the Earth million of years ago, obtaining
nutrients to grow and develop has become one of his main absorptions, probably
the most important one. In fact, life could be defined as a sort of competition
where the best adapted organisms with respect to obtain nutrients get survive,
while those not so prepared do not.
Nutritional function of the organism depends on three different
but correlated systems: the digestive system, the respiratory system, and
the excretory system. Capture, modification, and absorption of nutrients
is carried out by the digestive system, which has been studied from different
points of view in detail. Thus, main organs and their functional and physical
properties are well-known. Moreover, several studies on the composition,
physical appearance, aroma and fragrance of excrements have been done.
However, any work related to the psychological aspects of the act of defecation
and its consequences has not been published.
In order to educate the community on this black hole, several parameters
and their relationship with the necessary and never well-pondered act of
defecation, including physical, psychological, individual, and social aspects
are analyzed in this work.
RESULTS
This study has been carried out by our collaborators in different
places all around Spain. Physical parameters studied were sex, age, weigh
and height of people, hair colour, and leg length. Psychological effects
of these parameters were inferred from a new satisfaction index, namely
smiling arc ratio (SAR), a novel magnitude defined here as the lip curvature
respect to the horizontal (expressed in degrees, from 0 to 90º). SAR
values are positive for concave smiles (U), and negatives for convex smiles.
Measuring were performed taking pictures in different times during the
act of defecation (an illustration is shown in Figure).
Once about 1,000 experimental subjects were analyzed and distributed within
different groups according to their characteristics, mean and standard
deviation of SAR values were calculates (see Table).
With respect to sex, important differences were found in case of
public bathroom. Although females spent prolonged periods of time in toilet,
male's experiences were much more traumatic. These traumatic effects reverted
when males used female's toilet. Differences did not occurred in case of
own-bathrooms. Using chamber pot and traumatic effects were correlated
in case of males as well. A particular group, namely non-defined-sex people,
presented very variable behaviors. Although they often shown random reactions
two subgroups were established: one of them with manners similar to male's
and the other one tending to female's.
People were classified within four groups in function of their age
(see Table). The only group of people that liked
and even delighted in use of public toilets were children from 4 to 12
years old. In the rest of cases this sort of toilets caused negative effects
in the life-style of people. Furthermore, drastic and non-reversible effects
were observed in two cases: one of them presented constant bad-tempered
face, even listening jokes about Monica Lewinsky, and the other one always
stayed at home walking and walking around the bathroom. Differences in
using chamber pot were also seen in function of age. Thus, children from
0 to 3 years old, and people older than 50 liked this device, and even
enjoyed it in case of the first group. On the contrary, children from 4
to 12 years old hated chamber pot, while very variable results were obtained
for middle-aged people.
In respect of hair color, significant differences were detected
in people with green hair, both in toilet and chamber pot using. These
people manifested a very peculiar response: maximum positive SAR values
and unequivocal pleasure features were exhibited in all cases. In case
of brown or blond hair, non-significant differences were found. For red
hair people, very variable results were obtained, depending on red hair
was natural or stained. In case of natural color, values were similar to
those of brown and blond hair people, while for stained people values were
closer to green hair ones.
With regard to leg length, two different groups were performed:
less than 60 cm and more than 60 cm legs, respectively, measured from hip
to ankle. In this case, spectacular differences were retrieved between
toilet and chamber pot employing. Thus, totally opposed conducts were shown
in both groups, preferring chamber pot in case of first group, and toilet
use in the second group. Additionally, people with short legs exhibited
differences to take into account when used public or own toilets, with
a clear preference for own toilets.
The relationship between weigh and height of people and traumatic
effects of defecation was not studied at all, as explain in the discussion.
DISCUSSION
The act of defecation is a very important and frequent human activity,
usually daily, sometimes twice or more a week. The importance of this fact
is obvious, and very dangerous consequences occur when the defecatory machinery
does not work. For this reason, important psychological alterations appear
and life-style can change completely, and we are not speaking about hemorrhoids.
However, there is not any serious work on this crucial aspect in the literature.
Knowing this gig hollow, and sick of waiting for somebody to do it, we
have got down to work and have analyzed some parameters and their psychological
consequences.
Sex was the first parameter studied here. A fact related to this
was that females always went to bathroom in company, never alone. It seems
like this kind of "bathroom-meetings" help females to bit the traumatic
effects of public toilets that attack males. However, this factor is not
the only one, not even the most important, because males that used female's
toilets nearly always went alone and were not so affected. Probably these
protector-meetings are associated to sex, being effective only in female
and some non-defined-sex people. We actually think that reversion of male's
alterations when they use female's bathrooms is due to the better cleanness
of these. With respect to chamber pot use, trauma of males is due to something
pendulous. A special mention is for non-defined-sex people. This group
is very interesting and should be studied in more detail. We guess that
their origin is not the Earth.
Other parameter studied was the age of people. A group of people
that really liked use of public bathrooms was children from 4 to 12. Asked
about that, they informed us that using public bathrooms they felt older.
This is related to the fact that they hated chamber pot, because this object
is associated to very young children. Indeed, this is a very practical
object for very young children (three years old or younger), because they
usually have some enjoying forms, like Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse heads.
Another group that really liked using chamber pot was constituted by people
older than 50. The main reason was that they preferred to keep this object
under their beds, eluding in this way to go to the bathroom, many times
too far and cold. Additionally, they hated public bathrooms as they found
them
very uncomfortable. In the rest of groups non-significant differences were
discovered, although some young people liked public bathrooms because they
could write on their doors and/or walls some artistic, propagandistic and
often challenger messages.
The relationship between hair color and public/own bathroom or chamber
pot use was analyzed as well. Here surprisingly appeared a very strange
group: people with green hair. We have studied them in more detail, and
finally we have concluded that, because some unexplored reasons, they are
rare specimens that really love defecating. People with red stained hair
shown a very similar behavior. On the other hand, people with red natural
hair did not shown any significant differences, just as brown and blond
hair people.
The last parameter totally studied was the leg length of people.
This parameter revealed opposed preferences with respect to bathroom or
chamber pot use. Thus, people with legs longer than 60 cm did not like
using chamber pot because it was very unpleasant, while people with shorter
legs preferred chamber pot because when they used bath did not arrive at
the floor and their legs were hanging. Moreover, when the last group had
to use a bath they preferred own bathroom to public one, in order to avoid
this shameful situation.
Finally, relationship between weigh and height of people and traumatic
effects of defecation was not studied at all because investigators went
on holiday. Holidays were absolutely necessary and prescribed by our medical
staff, because important damages were appearing into investigator's brains
and were becoming non-reversible and nearly lethal even after chemotherapy.
Obviously, although we have clarified the relationship between some
human physical parameters and psychological aspects, probably there are
many others that are acting. Further analysis, actually in progress in
our bathrooms, will help to clarify the relationship between the effects
of other parameters, particularly non-human parameters (like season, room
temperature, toilet material or who is the Major at that moment), as well
as the putative synergic effects among these parameters.
Table. Measures of the psychological effects in function of different
parameters. SAR values are given as mean±standard deviation (see
text for details).
SEX
AGE(years)
HAIR COLOR LEG LENGTH (cm)
male female
n.d.2 0-3
4-12 13-49 50-Ö brown
blond green red
<60 >60
public1 -53±12 -3±9
-17±69 31±30 81±6
-50±15 -87±6 -20±3 -23±9
90±0 42±48 -70±2
-2±20
own 73±5
83±12 55±71
20±1 -10±14 55±6
32±23 30±7 35±4
90±0 39±56 -3±15
60±24
pot -69±5
-10±30 -34±89 61±4
-80±3 3±52 42±17
-10±13 -8±7 90±0 49±15
60±10 -70±12
1 public, public bathroom; own, private/home bathroom;
pot, chamber pot.
2 n.d., non-defined-sex people.
Figure. Illustration shows an experimental subject during the act
of defection. Pictures were taken using a one-dolar-chamera dotted with
an aquatic zoom, and at least 36 pictures were taken for each subject.
Finally, all the pictures were digitally processed and SAR values were
calculated.